Recently, I had the experience of feeling more kinship on a particular issue with someone who lives 4,000 miles away than I do with people within a four-mile radius. While it is true that the body of Christ transcends national, cultural and language barriers, it is also true that local churches often fail to create a sense of true community. Rosaria Butterfield has commented that church members are often on a “starvation diet” of fellowship, assuming that an hour or two per week is all that is needed. A recent article on Christianity Today states:
“Technology affords us the opportunity to become involved in multiple communities … groups with a feeling of exclusivity create an illusion of infinite belonging and opportunity for cooperation. … These groups reflect a powerful truth in a world that often is shaped by a lack of understanding: You are not alone. In fact, our sense of loneliness, especially in the presence of others, is often due to ignorance. We struggle to invest in the kind of face-to-face conversations that can help us truly know each other. Such conversations require time and psychological effort, and entail not a little discomfort.”
However, this is not a new problem. The following quotes come from Henri Nouwen in personal letters he wrote nearly 40 years ago:
“Mostly we are so afraid of our weaknesses that we hide them at all cost and thus make them unavailable to others but also often to ourselves. And, in this way, we end up living double lives even against our own desires: one life in which we present ourselves to the world, to ourselves and to God as a person who is in control and another life in which we feel insecure, doubtful, confused and anxious and totally out of control… It is amazing in my own life that true friendship and community became possible to the degree that I was able to share my weaknesses with others. Often I became aware of the fact that in the sharing of my weaknesses with others, the real depths of my human brokenness and weakness and sinfulness started to reveal itself to me, not as a source of despair but as a source of hope. As long as I try to convince myself or others of my independence a lot of my energy is invested in building up my own false self. But once I am able to truly confess my most profound dependence on others and on God, I can come in touch with my true self and a real community can develop” (Love, Henri, 46).
“I myself experienced some real affectionate, caring acceptance from my friends during a difficult time in my own life. It was this human acceptance that helped me see God in a new way and allowed me to have a better experiential knowledge of what it means that God’s love is deeper and stronger than any love that humans can give to one another; but without the experience of human love, the experience of God’s love is very hard to come by” (50).
I would question whether we are truly able to fulfill Jesus’ command to “love one another” if we are merely acquaintances who see each other once a week in the church building. How can we bear one another’s burdens if we don’t know what those burdens are? Can we exhort, encourage, stir up and pray for one another when we are all keeping our true selves hidden behind a mask?
I confess this is a constant frustration for me in a culture where the nuclear family has far surpassed the Christian family in people’s priorities. There is little or no recognition that biological families are temporary, but God’s family is eternal. And we don’t even realize that we’re missing out on our calling to be brothers and sisters and fathers and mothers for one another (Mark 10:29-30).
“So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God, but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us” (1 Thessalonians 2:8 ESV).
© 2017 Dawn Rutan. The views stated may or may not reflect the beliefs of the pastor or leadership of Dulin’s Grove Church.
