Written by Dawn Rutan
I was thinking this afternoon of some hymn lyrics that are often hard to sing without lying. I started flipping through the hymnal and came across several songs that fit the category. One that struck me several weeks ago was “Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him, how I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er.” At the time I had very little trust or proof to hold onto, though I did cling to the last line of the song, “O for grace to trust Him more.”
Another hymn that may be less familiar is Francis Blackmer’s “Since I’ve Learned to Trust Him More.” I wish I knew the story behind the song, because after the first verse it gets into territory unknown to me: “Now I’m trusting every moment, nothing less can be enough… And my way has brighter grown since I’ve learned to trust Him more.” I don’t know many (or any?) Christians who could honestly sing those words most of the time. For most of us the journey is a lot more sporadic.
I appreciate the authenticity of words like Charlotte Elliott: “Just as I am, though tossed about with many a conflict, many a doubt, fightings and fears within, without, O Lamb of God, I come!” Or Edward Mote: “When darkness veils His lovely face, I rest on His unchanging grace; in every high and stormy gale my anchor holds within the veil… When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.”
Songs like “Day by day and with each passing moment” or “Moment by moment, O Lord, I am Thine,” seem to be more realistic about the ongoing battle to cling to faith. It isn’t a straight and easy road from the moment we accept Jesus as Savior and Lord. There are steep hills and dark valleys that make faith a daily decision. There are times when faith is easy because God’s presence and power are evident to us. There are also times when we (or at least I) have to say, “God, I don’t know what You are doing, and I don’t much like this path, but I want to trust You through it.” Some days we may not have the faith to cling to Him, but we just hope that He’s still clinging to us.
And that is really what matters most. We can never generate enough faith to save ourselves or to breeze through life with no doubts. While we commonly read Ephesians 2:8-9 to mean that salvation is a gift, I think it also means that faith itself is a gift. “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast” (ESV). God not only saves us by His grace, but He also gives us the faith to accept it, and then enables us to walk in the path He’s prepared for us. At no point does it depend on our strength or ability, so we have no place for boasting. Even the weakness of our faith becomes reason to boast in God’s grace to hold onto us.
Jesus told His disciples, “If you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you” (Matthew 17:20). However, He never tested them on that point, for which I’m sure they were grateful. He already knew then, and He knows now, just how small our faith can be in the face of life’s challenges. As others have said, it’s not a matter of how big our faith is, but how big our God is. Faith may grow or shrink day by day, but God never changes. As Priscilla Owens put it, “We have an anchor that keeps the soul steadfast and sure while the billows roll, fastened to the Rock which cannot move, grounded firm and deep in the Savior’s love.”
So it’s okay if your faith feels small and you can’t say “I’m trusting every moment.” God already knows, and He’s not going to let go.
“My soul clings to you; Your right hand upholds me” (Psalm 63:8).
© 2015 Dawn Rutan. The views stated may or may not reflect the beliefs of the pastor or leadership of Dulin’s Grove Church.
