Written by Dawn Rutan
As I’ve been thinking about Sunday’s sermon on Wisdom & Words from Proverbs 4:20-27, a couple themes have come to mind. During the sermon I was thinking about the power of words to wound people. My first thought was of the verbal bashing that many of us endured in school from our peers. It seemed like everyone carried a sword with which to cut down anyone who was different in any way, in hopes of making themselves look a little taller. I remember a quote I read recently that basically said bullies are people who have been bullied. And unfortunately, a lot of that bullying begins at home with parents who are verbally abusive to their kids. (And those parents were probably abused as kids too.) The damage the tongue can do to a child is heartbreaking, both for that child and for those who truly love them.
Even good parents can cause wounds by the words they say or by the tone they use. Good words used in the wrong way can be hurtful. I think of a word that most people would consider a term of endearment, but there’s nothing endearing about it when it makes you feel about two inches tall. I don’t believe most parents intend to belittle their children, but when frustration or exasperation strikes, words come out the wrong way. What’s even more discouraging is that most of us don’t learn from our own mistakes or the mistakes of others. Even though we’ve all been hurt by careless words, very few people learn to tame the tongue (James 3).
On the flip side, there are words that bring life, healing, joy, and hope to the hurting soul. “I love you.” “I’m praying for you.” “You are special.” “God is at work in you.” These words and many others reflect vital truths that we all need to hear more often. Obviously, they can’t be repeated flippantly or thoughtlessly. Words like this require some degree of intimacy and vulnerability. The people who have the most power to either wound or heal with their words are the people we are closest to. A compliment from a stranger might be nice, but it doesn’t have the lasting impact of a kind word from a friend. I can testify to the life-giving and lifesaving power of words from those who have expressed their love and concern for me. And without exception, those people have been faithful both in praying for me and in reminding me of God’s love.
I’ve gone back to Philippians 4:8 (which I’d already forgotten was on my January “resolutions” list): “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (ESV). I hadn’t considered until just now the fact that some of these terms refer to verbal actions. If something is commendable or praiseworthy, it would be a good idea to commend or praise the people involved! I wonder how different our world would be if Christians would take this verse as a command to not only think about these things, but to speak about them as well? Just thinking back over recent days, I could come up with several examples of our failure to do so. If we were busy speaking and thinking about these good things, it wouldn’t be nearly so hard to guard our hearts against the words that wound. We’ve all heard the saying, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” If that were heeded, the world would be a lot quieter place!
Although I am not one to speak a lot of words, I certainly think plenty of them. And I know that what I think is often not true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, or praiseworthy. I know what I need to work on, and I’m sure I’m not alone in that endeavor.
“Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger… If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless” (James 1:19,26).
