Written by Cara Brock
I’m scared to blog because I have a best friend that does it and she’s so great at it that I don’t even know what words are anymore. But in a way this is appropriate for something I want to discuss…
I’d like to address a topic that’s increasing in popularity with the prevalence of internet lists. [At this point the only lists I can handle are menus or One Direction discographies]. Whether providing all the reasons it’s awesome to be single or 8675 things to do before retirement, authors of these enumerated advice columns almost always include one major idea: self-love.
As of late, we have been bombarded by the importance of loving ourselves and being our own favorite friend. We are told that we can’t properly love another until we love ourselves. Or only after we see ourselves as magnificent beings, will we meet our soul mate. We can stop harming ourselves or blacking-out our brains with alcohol if only we learn to love our bodies, our minds, and our souls more than anything else. Well this sounds wonderful, but as a Christian, I can’t buy into it.
I’ve only recently felt a deepening of my faith, and I’m still constantly working to grow in the Lord. I don’t know everything, I can’t speak for all Christians, and I ask that Jesus won’t let you believe what I say if it doesn’t align with His gospel. But here is why self-love leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. My mom, or ‘The Merm’ as I like to call her, always says that I have so much love to give. She says I have a big heart and she worries about my giving it to someone who won’t adequately appreciate it. I worry about that too, but I worry about giving it to myself. If I loved myself in the way that these ‘self-help for people who didn’t ask for self-help’ blogs tell me to, I’d be the most egocentric individual. I’m already selfish, I don’t need to worship myself for it. And even if I loved myself the way I am capable of loving, I would feel as let down as I have by every guy who has ‘loved’ me [or I’ve tried to make love me]. See compared to God’s love, our love is so so weak.
I John 3:1 says “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.” We are children of the Almighty Creator. And He loves us with a love greater than even the greatest earthly father can muster up. Think about that. The highest being who knows everything and everyone loves us and calls us His children. Wawaweewa. In Jeremiah 31:3, the Lord says “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” An everlasting love. In this world, we aren’t capable of everlasting anything. Romans 8:35 asks “What will separate us from Christ’s love?” Nothing in all creation can separate us from the Lord’s love. If I pledge to love myself, I guarantee I will be separated from that love as soon as my brain accesses the useless hatred I have harbored for one undeserving person. Shoot, I’ll be separated from that love as soon as I realize I’ve stayed up til 5 the night before my first day of classes. But nothing can strip me of God’s love. Golly, that’s so much better than what I can offer myself.
I worry that loving yourself leads to depending on yourself. You think you wake up flawless and you can do anything so everyone should bow down to you. Where does that leave God? There are 58 thousand Pinterest posts that say “God won’t give you anything you can’t handle”. Well, He will. God gives us challenges that we cannot rely on ourselves to get through, because we can rely on Him. He is our guide. Y’all, if I had self-loved to self-dependence at the start of college, I might could have made it through freshman year [I wouldn’t have]. Had I relied on my own abilities sophomore year, it would’ve been like trying to walk through a brick wall. Without God’s guidance that year, I don’t know that I’d be around today. But I did learn to love and depend on Jesus rather than myself during those trials, and I saw firsthand just how limited I am when left to my own devices. I need to love Jesus.
To clarify, I love that I am a child of Christ, but I don’t love my worldly, sinful vessel. Genuinely, I have come to appreciate God’s design in me – from His abundant use of humor and creativity when creating my personality, to His deliberate molding of my body – down to my lower back birthmark that looks like permanent bacne. He planned for me, and He loves me, and I love that. Though in contrast, God didn’t give me a spirit of judgment, of selfishness, or of worldly obsession, but I struggle with these sins, among others, every single day. I don’t love these parts of me. I don’t want to embrace my flaws, I want to repent from my wrongdoings to better reflect Christ.
This is not an urge to forgo love, for we are called to love one another. This is not an urge to hate yourself for every unsatisfying fracture of your being, this is an encouragement to love the Lord who fills these voids, strengthens these weaknesses, forgives these sins, and loves you.
Check out Cara’s new blog at http://caraibrock.wordpress.com
