Loving Difficult People

Romans 12:14-21
Do you know any difficult people? Are you forced to work with them? Live with them? Be the church with them? These relationships are no accident. God has sovereignly placed you in them so you can worship him by loving difficult people. In Romans 12:14-21, we see six ways to do so.

But before we jump in, remember that we are all difficult people. The Bible teaches that there are no good people apart from Jesus (Romans 3) and that we were all God’s enemies when Jesus died for us (Romans 5). So, you are not the one good person contending with all the bad people. You are nother bad person being saved by the One Good Person (JESUS). With that in mind, here are six ways to worship God by loving difficult people:

1. Bless them.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. (verse 14)

Persecution is when people chase you down to harm you because you are a Christian. For example, right now in Tanzania, Christians are having their property burned down. Even in the face of such mistreatment, Christians are so stocked up with grace, forgiveness and unconditional love that they are able to bless their persecutors rather than curse them.

Blessing means literally speech that confers benefit; but it includes tangible service too. For example, as Paul mentions in verse 20, providing for physical needs such as food and drink is a way to bless someone.

So, what does your difficult person need? Food? Drink? Money? Kindness? Prayer? As a Christian, you are equipped to worship God by blessing your persecutors.

2. Sympathize with them.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. (verse 15)

Remember what Paul said in verse 9, “Let love be genuine”? As Christians, we are transformed into new creatures with new hearts. We’re not just trained to act differently. We are different. We aren’t told to act nice toward difficult people. We’re told to genuinely love them, which includes sympathizing with them.

What is your difficult person going through? What joys are they experiencing? What pains are they experiencing?

3. Harmonize with them.
Live in harmony with one another. (verse 16)

This means one-mindedness. It means considering your difficult person’s mindset and attempting to understand and persuade them. What is your difficult person thinking? Why do they think this way? How have they come to these conclusions? How might they be right? How might you be wrong? How can you persuade them of your point of view?

As a pastor, I am amazed at the contrary perspectives of well-intentioned, reasonable, intelligent people. Remember, no one wakes up in the morning and decides to be a difficult person. Everyone thinks they are right. Christians are called to consider each other’s points of view and communicate.

4. Be humble.
Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. (verse 16)

How many of your difficult people are so because they think too highly or too often of themselves? How many are difficult because they always think they’re right? These are common blind spots that cause us to become difficult people. Watch out for them in yourself. Let contact with your difficult person trigger a humility reflex rather than a haughty reflex.

Note how comprehensive this command is. NEVER be wise in your own sight. ALWAYS assume that you are the fool. Always assume that you might be misunderstanding something. That you might be the one who needs to adjust. This doesn’t mean that you are always wrong or that your difficult person is always right. It just makes it possible to do what verse 18 says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” In other words, you can’t control how anyone else will handle interpersonal conflict. But you can control how you’ll handle it. Handle it humbly.

5. Think about what is honorable.
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. (verse 17)

Let your difficult person trigger a thought reflex rather than an evil reaction.  Remember that your response to a difficult person is public, no matter how private you think it is. Word of an angry reaction spreads quickly. So consider what is honorable before all.

6. Trust God for vengeance.
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” (verse 19)

Christian, vengeance simply isn’t an option for you. That is out of your hands. When we attempt to avenge ourselves we take something that belongs to God. It is his right to avenge and HE WILL DO IT. So let your difficult person trigger trust in your Avenger rather than a revenge impulse.

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Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (verse 21)
The real danger in your relationship with a difficult person isn’t frustration or hurt feelings. It’s that evil could win. It’s easy to be swept into evil speech, evil desires and an evil mindset when dealing with difficult people. If you succumb, you will not be overcome by your difficult person, but by evil itself.

As Christians we are equipped to overcome evil with good. As Christians, we can worship God by loving difficult people.

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Discussion Starters

1. Take some time to catch up with one another.
2. What is the most difficult part of this passage for you? Why?
3. Which aspect of this passage is most pertinent to you right now?
4. How will your life change as you obey these principles?
5. Which aspects of this passage do you think are most pertinent to Dulin’s Grove right now?
6. How will Dulin’s Grove change as we each obey this passage?
7. Pray, pray, pray this sort of love into reality among our church.