I often speak with critical people. Yes, you might be one of them. We all criticize. I do it too. I've had to do some serious thinking about how to deal with this and here's what I've come up with:
1. Call it what it is. Criticism is disapproval expressed by pointing out shortcomings or faults. Often, people say, "I'm not trying to criticize anyone" as they begin expressing disapproval by pointing out shortcomings and faults. Usually I'm blindsided when I realize that my venting has turned into unhelpful criticism to make myself feel better. Let's just call it criticism so we're clear and on the same page.
2. Speak graciously and honestly about the person under fire. Don't passively join the verbal lynching. Make it clear that you're not jumping on someone who isn't there to defend themselves. However, don't whitewash over real problems that the critic is on to. "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.: – Ephesians 4:15. This is like a bucket of water on the fire that might otherwise burn for way too long.
3. Persistently push the critic toward some specific action. How can we help them? What can we do? If there is no action, it's not even constructive criticism; it's just sinful criticism that helps no one. The critic needs to speak with the person directly. They need to be praying for the person. If it's a serious problem, they need to address it as such, not just stew about it and complain to people who have nothing to do with it. "He has a right to criticize who has a heart to help." – Abraham Lincoln.
So, my action plan the next time I get going or get cornered into a critical conversation is to ask myself:
What's true about the criticism?
How can we best love the person in question?
What action must we take to address valid concerns and love the person in question?
I'll let you know how it goes…